I am an African-American girl who is pretending to be a blonde blue eyed
girl online. I found her pictures and used them for my profile so that
guys would want to talk to me online. Mostly I just did it because no
one really wants to talk to chubby girls and I liked the confidence
boost I got from their compliments. I know it was wrong, but I never
meant to hurt anyone. I had never started anything serious or even
talked to someone under my alias for more than a day or two, it was all
just innocent conversations with random guys who were probably lying
too. But then I met this guy who was different. He was an honest and
sweet and we have so much in common that we fell in love. I never meant
for it to happen, and I didn't start talking to him with the intention
of starting a serious relationship. But now its almost a year later and
we've been dating for 7 months. I honestly love him with all of my heart
and the guilt from lying is tearing me apart. I've tried to break it
off with him so many times but he just won't let go. I know this is all
of my fault and I don't want to just disappear and leave it alone
because I know it would devastate him.
I've convinced myself that it doesn't matter that I'm lying to him because we could never be with each other anyway. (We live on opposite sides of the country and are both really close to our families so neither of us wants to move) And because I've never lied about anything but my name and what I look like ( which I know are two very basic and important things so who am I kidding) but he always says that he fell in love with my personality. That my looks are just a bonus and that he loves who I am more than what I look like. I know that I should tell him, or that I should end the relationship so he won't waste his life with me, but I just don't know how. If I tell him best case scenario, he hates me then forgives me and says he wants to be with me. But that won't really change anything because we still can't be with each other in person, because of how far away we live. So why should I hurt him? What's the point if it doesn't change anything except ease my guilt? Doesn't that make me selfish? I don't know anymore. Can someone please help me? I honestly believed I was a good person before all this but now I just don't know. Am I a sick individual? Is there something wrong with me that I could lie to the person I love for so long?
I've convinced myself that it doesn't matter that I'm lying to him because we could never be with each other anyway. (We live on opposite sides of the country and are both really close to our families so neither of us wants to move) And because I've never lied about anything but my name and what I look like ( which I know are two very basic and important things so who am I kidding) but he always says that he fell in love with my personality. That my looks are just a bonus and that he loves who I am more than what I look like. I know that I should tell him, or that I should end the relationship so he won't waste his life with me, but I just don't know how. If I tell him best case scenario, he hates me then forgives me and says he wants to be with me. But that won't really change anything because we still can't be with each other in person, because of how far away we live. So why should I hurt him? What's the point if it doesn't change anything except ease my guilt? Doesn't that make me selfish? I don't know anymore. Can someone please help me? I honestly believed I was a good person before all this but now I just don't know. Am I a sick individual? Is there something wrong with me that I could lie to the person I love for so long?
